Friday, November 8, 2019

I'll Bet That Idea Sounded Better In Your Head

Copyright © Edward Riojas

Between Halloween and Advent, there's this season called "Stupid." This is the time when knuckleheaded advertisers blast us with jingles like "We wish you a merry Kia" [I am not kidding], and other such drivel. I guess it shouldn't surprise us that not everyone understands what Christmas is about, let alone what constitutes good taste in gift-giving. Still, we somehow expect Christians to have a better grasp of things when it comes to Christmas gifts. I'd call it "great expectations," but someone has stolen that line. Anyway, here's a sampling of real merchandise that should be left off every one's Christmas list. Unless you really enjoy the season of Stupid...


Put a lid on it: How 'bout an upholstery-tack-encrusted, Western-infused, cowhide-wrapped toilet seat cover emblazoned with a cross? I don't even know where to begin with this thing, even though we all know where things will end. Not only is this flush with bad taste, but it's also overflowing with incongruous motifs. Just say "No" to...    Oh, for heaven's sake, just say "No."





Footnotes: The target audience for these socks must surely be test-weary seminarians. Why else would anyone want Bible verses hidden under their pant legs? For those wondering, this only comes in the King James Version. Apparently, there's a copyright on the ESV.






"No, you may not wear that to church, young lady:" Just because a piece of abbreviated apparel has a Bible verse on it does not make it a great addition to your wardrobe. Besides a bit of Scripture, this mini-skirt has "Stupid" written all over it.





Sweat it out: If the 10-mile run to the donut shop doesn't make you sweat, then certainly this stupid paraphrase, taken out of context, will do so. (Note: 20 lb. water bottle and Joel Osteen ear buds are sold separately.)






Fall wardrobe: Someone thought a Bible verse and a [poorly placed] snake would look great on a mini-skirt. See what I mean about the season of "Stupid?"






Lose this in the wash: Some fashion designer became possessed, and shortly thereafter Bob was gifted with Psalm shorts. Bob, we're begging you to go back to the cutoffs. Yes, the ones with the pockets showing.






Doggone it: Someone has high hopes for Fido, who not only is embarrassed by the misuse of Scripture, but is also seriously doubting whether the silly shirt will help with his potty training.






Things unseen: Ugh. What were they thinking?! The definition of Faith on a white pencil skirt?! If you are gifted with this fashion faux pas this Christmas, please re-gift it to the nearest dump. Especially if your name happens to be Faith.





If you can read this, then you're too close: Guys, by now you should know the difference between Holy underpants and  holey underpants. Get rid of them both. Even if they are a gift. Even if they inexplicably have Joshua 1:9 written on them in four-point text.






Resort wear: Not only does His love reach to the heavens, so also does some one's poor taste in swim trunks. Just put them back in the gift box and declare, "It's exactly what I didn't want for Christmas."





Friday, November 1, 2019

“God’s Own Child I Gladly Say It”

Copyright © Edward Riojas

This project began years ago, during what seems a different lifetime. In fact, I couldn’t pinpoint the original date of inquiry because at the time I was using an old, office e-mail address. My best guess is five years ago or more – another lifetime, indeed.

Through various revisions and lapses in time, the project evolved into its final form. The “God’s Own Child” Mural was designed for a hallway in the environs of a music conservatory at St. Paul’s Lutheran Church, Council Bluffs, Iowa. God willing, the conservatory will soon become the home base of “David’s Harp,” a new LCMS Recognized Service Organization that, among other things, bolsters the work of encouraging and developing young church musicians. It is fitting that such a beloved hymn is held up before music students on their daily walk.

Even the most tone-deaf among us, however, can do well to remember the hymn’s words on our daily walk. To that end, while we may not be able to wander the halls in St. Paul’s, it is now possible to hang a smaller version of the mural on our walls as a good reminder of our Holy Baptism. And, in case you need a bigger reminder, the print is available in some rather gargantuan proportions. The framing, however, is your responsibility.

Sizes and prices for giclĂ©e prints of “God’s Own Child:”
96" wide x 20" / $400
84" x 17.5" / $325
72" x 15" / $260
60" x 12.5" / $200
48" x 10" / $150
36" x 7.5" / $100

Note: Listed sizes are for the image itself – there is an extra one or two inches of white space all-around to aid in framing. Prints are signed, but are not matted or framed. Domestic shipping, etc., is included in listed prices. International orders will have additional shipping and duty charges. To order, or for more information, please e-mail the artist at edriojasartist@gmail.com

"God's Own Child" Mural. Edward Riojas. 2019. (St. Paul's Lutheran Church, Council Bluffs, Iowa)
Copyright © Edward Riojas