Between Halloween and Advent, there's this season called "Stupid." This is the time when knuckleheaded advertisers blast us with jingles like "We wish you a merry Kia" [I am not kidding], and other such drivel. I guess it shouldn't surprise us that not everyone understands what Christmas is about, let alone what constitutes good taste in gift-giving. Still, we somehow expect Christians to have a better grasp of things when it comes to Christmas gifts. I'd call it "great expectations," but someone has stolen that line. Anyway, here's a sampling of real merchandise that should be left off every one's Christmas list. Unless you really enjoy the season of Stupid...
Put a lid on it: How 'bout an upholstery-tack-encrusted, Western-infused, cowhide-wrapped toilet seat cover emblazoned with a cross? I don't even know where to begin with this thing, even though we all know where things will end. Not only is this flush with bad taste, but it's also overflowing with incongruous motifs. Just say "No" to... Oh, for heaven's sake, just say "No."
Footnotes: The target audience for these socks must surely be test-weary seminarians. Why else would anyone want Bible verses hidden under their pant legs? For those wondering, this only comes in the King James Version. Apparently, there's a copyright on the ESV.
"No, you may not wear that to church, young lady:" Just because a piece of abbreviated apparel has a Bible verse on it does not make it a great addition to your wardrobe. Besides a bit of Scripture, this mini-skirt has "Stupid" written all over it.
Sweat it out: If the 10-mile run to the donut shop doesn't make you sweat, then certainly this stupid paraphrase, taken out of context, will do so. (Note: 20 lb. water bottle and Joel Osteen ear buds are sold separately.)
Fall wardrobe: Someone thought a Bible verse and a [poorly placed] snake would look great on a mini-skirt. See what I mean about the season of "Stupid?"
Lose this in the wash: Some fashion designer became possessed, and shortly thereafter Bob was gifted with Psalm shorts. Bob, we're begging you to go back to the cutoffs. Yes, the ones with the pockets showing.
Doggone it: Someone has high hopes for Fido, who not only is embarrassed by the misuse of Scripture, but is also seriously doubting whether the silly shirt will help with his potty training.
Things unseen: Ugh. What were they thinking?! The definition of Faith on a white pencil skirt?! If you are gifted with this fashion faux pas this Christmas, please re-gift it to the nearest dump. Especially if your name happens to be Faith.
If you can read this, then you're too close: Guys, by now you should know the difference between Holy underpants and holey underpants. Get rid of them both. Even if they are a gift. Even if they inexplicably have Joshua 1:9 written on them in four-point text.
Resort wear: Not only does His love reach to the heavens, so also does some one's poor taste in swim trunks. Just put them back in the gift box and declare, "It's exactly what I didn't want for Christmas."
No comments:
Post a Comment